Stardate...
Summer 2012.

A previously exclusive Star Wars fan attempts to watch all 725 episodes of Star Trek within 81 short, earth days.

OKAY, update: Couldn't finish everything in a summer, but I can't stop, won't stop. Here's to finishing all 725 episodes before I die. Cheers.


engage

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Okay so this is going to really bother me:

WHY ARE THEIR UNIFORMS DIFFERENT SHADES OF BLUE? THEY ARE BOTH CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICERS. 

PLOT

Turns out the mismatching uniforms aren’t an issue because Dr. Quaice (on the right) has bigger problems—namely, he disappears and only Beverly Crusher remembers who he is. The ship’s crew quickly dissipate over hours, from a population of 1000 to 114—and only Beverly Crusher seems to notice that everyone’s disappearing.

SPOILER

Turns out Wesley was doing an experiment with “Warp Bubbles” and Dr. Crusher was somehow the only person affected, or I guess, not affected? Everyone disappears, so in the end it’s just Beverly and Computer, hanging out on the bridge of the Enterprise, trying to solve the quantum physics problems set into play by some ensign who really only got the position because his mom is a doctor. #Nepotism #CrusherDontCare #ThisIsntTwitter

Picard proposes to Beverly on the Bridge! So Romantic!

OBSERVATIONS

So in Futurama, almost every single episode’s plot is caused by a conflict set in motion by Bender Bending Rodriguez. Like, Bender wants to make money so he sells his body for cash at a pawn shop, enabling the head of President Nixon to enter into election for President of Earth “A Head in the Polls” Ep. 3 Season 2.

OR Bender wants to catch a larger fish than Fry so he uses the professor’s “unbreakable” diamond filament—conveniently attached to the Planet Express ship—to fish and snags a ginormous Grouper that drags them down to the Lost City of Atlanta “The Deep South” Ep. 12 Season 2.

Anyway, I wonder if Wesley is like the Bender of TNG. I know he isn’t—he doesn’t usually derail the functioning of the Enterprise (because often he’s the only person who can fix a problem despite having no experience, no training, and IDK, an adolescent’s body) but he sure seems to f*** things up in this episode. 

bamf-ness:

I can’t get enough of Janeway and the puppy!

(via startrekgifs)

Source: bamf-ness

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whatshouldwecallmedschool:

Source: whatshouldwecallmedschool

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SUBTITLE:

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS? DID ONE OF THE WRITERS GET IN A HUGE FIGHT WITH HIS/HER FAMILY AND NOW IS TRYING TO APOLOGIZE? Because “Family”, “Brothers”, and now “Suddenly Human” are all very emotional with a family focus. 

Set-up for this episode? A teenage human boy is found on board a more militarily-motivated Talarian ship. BUT HE’S HUMAN! Turns out his parents were killed during a Talarian raid on their planet… and then a kindly Talarian who had lost his own son by the hands of humans, decides to adopt the boy. It’s actually very endearing.

But then the Enterprise crew forces… what’s this boys name? JANO, I think? they force Jano to remember his childhood. Yea…. if you want to hear a baby crying calling out for his dead mother… this episode is for you! Also, those episodes where Cardassians attack terran outposts or those episodes where the BORG take over everything (in VOY with Seven of Nine). Side note: Let’s say there really are a ton of aliens out there… nearby… do you think they’d all be so violent? Is violence the only motivation to search into outer space? Did we only set foot on the moon when we thought it would give us a tactical advantage over our terran enemies? Regardless, Star Trek is incredibly violent. 

BRING BACK THE ORGANIANS! 

Also, fun fact, the boy, Jano, is caught listening to his favorite type of music in Picard’s quarters. I looked it up, and it is described as “Electronic Death Metal.” So like… dubstep?? SIGN ME UP!

bones + smiling at spock

I love this man. He made TOS… so much more… real. 

(via fuckyeahspones)

Source: daaud

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SUBTITLE: THIS IS A GALAXY-CLASS STARSHIP… NOT A DAYCARE CENTER.

…. or is it?*

Like the title suggests, this episode is all about terrible, terrible brothers who are all jerks (so glad I have two sisters). First, we meet (insert random child’s name cause I actually don’t care) who had tricked his little brother into thinking he had died while playing with fake guns, and so then the second brother ran away (because that’s what we do when we injure a family member, we run for the hills) and accidentally ingested a parasite infested fruit. Seriously though…. this kid kind of deserves to die (I know he’s six but whatever).

Anyway, the Enterprise needs to get to a space station where they have a cure for these parasites. Another oversight by Dr. Crusher, if you ask me. But half way there, Data sabotages the ship, takes it over, and pilots them to some weird planet with only one sentient life form… MUCH LIKE DAGOBAH. That’s right…. NOONIAN SOONG has been CHILLING out on some random fucking planet but now he’s dying so he remotely activates a homing signal in Data’s processor so he can give his “son” a final gift.

But then LORE shows up and things get awkward….

It’s a pretty cute** episode (well as cute as obnoxious kids and insane androids can be). And if you love really intense family dynamics, this episode is totally for you.

*The two little boys have been chilling out on Enterprise BY THEMSELVES while their parents are on “sabbatical”. That kind of sounds like their parents hate them. God. I’m glad I don’t have parents like that…. oh wait…

**cute enough.

"Family" Ep. 2 Season 4 TNG

The Enterprise docks at Earth for repairs, and everyone gets to see their families. Well, kinda.

Wesley Crusher, in a moment of “oh-my-god-I-understand-why-your-mother-loves-you-know” watches a holo-recording of his late father talking to him…. when he was two weeks old. It’s weird. Seeing someone talk about Wesley so endearingly kind of makes me hate him a lot less. BUMPED UP PAST DEANNA TROI. Especially depressing? Wesley tries to grab a hold of his dad’s hologram when it disappears. Dead parents… so much sadness. 

Sexy Side Note: It’s really hard for me to believe that Jack Crusher and Jean-Luc Picard are almost the same age. Only really relevant in that Jean-Luc Picard blames himself for killing Jack and hates that he’s always had a thing for Beverly. Awkward. D:

Worf! His hilariously Russian adoptive parents beam aboard and they are like, the best freaking parents ever. They are worried because he sent them a letter explaining his dishonor with the Klingon Empire. And then in a moment of epicness, when Worf says something like, “You can’t feel the pain of my dishonor with me.” They’re all like, WORF WE LOVE YOU AND ARE SO PROUD OF YOU AND WE KNOW WE’RE ONLY HUMAN BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER. WE WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU.

Jean-Luc Picard, still really depressed about the whole Locutus thing where he killed… hundreds, if not thousands of humans? Decides to return “home” although he hasn’t been back in twenty years and he and his older brother don’t see eye to eye on anything. They eventually work it out—they’re brothers—and Jean-Luc gets drunk off good French wine. If you want to see Picard cry, here’s the episode (there’s like a handful more but this one’s sad)!

"Best of Both Worlds: Part 2" Ep. 1 Season 4 TNG
yadda yadda yadda. they manage to get picard de-borged and save the day by hacking into the borg commands. WILL PICARD EVER GET BACK TO FEELING LIKE HIMSELF AGAIN?!
Also, maybe I’ve seen too much porn, but the phrase, “you will service us” sounds waaaaaaaaaaay too dirty for a collective that has no use for procreation. 

"Best of Both Worlds: Part 2" Ep. 1 Season 4 TNG

yadda yadda yadda. they manage to get picard de-borged and save the day by hacking into the borg commands. WILL PICARD EVER GET BACK TO FEELING LIKE HIMSELF AGAIN?!

Also, maybe I’ve seen too much porn, but the phrase, “you will service us” sounds waaaaaaaaaaay too dirty for a collective that has no use for procreation. 

"The Best of Both Worlds: Part 1" Ep. 26 Season 3
SUBTITLE
Who’s the bigger threat? The Borg or that obnoxious blonde commander who’s been studying the Borg and is trying to usurp Riker’s position? 
PLOT
OH NO! Terror strikes a Federation Colony. Or rather, the Borg have stricken a Federation Colony. A fresh young Commander comes on board to help with the Enterprise’s interaction with the Borg. Also, apparently, Cmdr. Riker has said no to several captaining gigs because he’s happy just being a comandeer on the Enterprise…? I mean, these people put up with his annoying tromboning habits so he’s found his paradise. 
Regardless, the Borg want Picard. So they CAPTURE HIM. What are they going to do with him?!??? (I already know).
Freedom is irrelevant.
Death is irrelevant.
Resistance is futile. 
You must comply. 

"The Best of Both Worlds: Part 1" Ep. 26 Season 3

SUBTITLE

Who’s the bigger threat? The Borg or that obnoxious blonde commander who’s been studying the Borg and is trying to usurp Riker’s position? 

PLOT

OH NO! Terror strikes a Federation Colony. Or rather, the Borg have stricken a Federation Colony. A fresh young Commander comes on board to help with the Enterprise’s interaction with the Borg. Also, apparently, Cmdr. Riker has said no to several captaining gigs because he’s happy just being a comandeer on the Enterprise…? I mean, these people put up with his annoying tromboning habits so he’s found his paradise. 

Regardless, the Borg want Picard. So they CAPTURE HIM. What are they going to do with him?!??? (I already know).

Freedom is irrelevant.

Death is irrelevant.

Resistance is futile. 

You must comply. 

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SUBTITLE

Let’s get it on… with alien patients that you’re taking care of. 

QUOTES:

ZALCONIANS! -Elora, upon realizing she was watching Star Trek

PLOT:

In an act of complete stupidity, a white guy with a lot of cosmetic plastic forehead ridges—I mean, alien—gets rescued by the Enterprise crew whereupon it is discovered he has interesting empathic powers. They name him John because why the hell not. Also, Beverly falls in love with him. She also awkwardly explains to Wesley Crusher (her freakin’ son) why she believes the love she feels for him is real and not some pseudo-love manufactured by the physician-patient relationship. 

Akin to “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" on TOS, we see the crew aligning itself with a prisoner, an underling, and debating amongst themselves what they should do (interfere with local politics or do what feels right). Also, it turns out that the prisoner is being charged with possessing telepathic/empathic powers, which is an incredibly common theme in Star Trek. Just another example of the “other” being punished for otherness. 

"I have much to teach you about women."

- Worf to Geordi La Forge on Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 3 Episode 25 “Transfigurations”

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So guess what everyone? I finished watching all of the star trek episodes in all… 6/5 seasons (if you count the animated, non-canon, and famously unremembered TAS)… TOS, TAS, TNG, DS9, VOY, and ENT. ALL OF THEM. The last episode of Enterprise ends on a contextualizing note: the struggles of the Enterprise crew’s last mission is being reviewed by a one William T. Riker in a holodeck program aboard the Enterprise NCC-1701-D two hundred years in the future. 

Which reminded me: I stopped writing episode summaries and creating GIFs when I was tasked with watching a TNG episode called “Menage a Troi”, which is heavy with Riker and Troi shenanigans. Gahhh. I hate both of these characters so much. But as they both made their way into the last Star Trek episode of all time… well, maybe I should just jump past my hatred of the two and get on with reviewing Star Trek episodes.

PLUS I’VE FINALLY GOTTEN A HANDLE ON MY THIRD YEAR IN MEDICAL SCHOOL SO HUZZAH, I HAVE FREE TIME. SORTA. Irregardless, I absolutely LOVE love LOVE Majel Barrett and this episode also has a ton of her in it so hurray.

Also also, the thought of no longer having Star Trek in my life is exquisitely painful. My med school friends don’t understand my obsession with Klingons and no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about all my “friends*” living centuries away in the future.

I also read “Ready Player One” by Ernest Cline, and although it rarely mentions Star Trek (here’s my favorite quote BTW, on page 63: “Star Trek? Oh, I did my homework. TOS, TNG, DS9. Even Voyager and Enterprise. I watched them all in chronological order. The movies, too.” (FYI, I’ve watched 5/6 TOS Star Trek movies, and I intend to finish the remaining 5 movies within the next month), it made me feel really proud to be a nerd. And I found myself missing this blog.

*LOL. I sound exactly like Philip J. Fry in the Futurama episode “Where No Fan Has Gone Before” which was actually a huge motivation for me to start watching Star Trek in the first place. Talk about full circle.

So I guess I’m going to talk about this fucking episode:

IT’S DISTURBING.

PLOT: Troi’s mom, Roxanna, is selected by a Ferengi officer to be his mate. Nobody wants this. The only thing Betazoid’s and Ferengi’s have in common is their mutual acceptance of female nudity. Instead of buying her, since women are property by ferengi standards, (THIS IS THE FUTURE, DAMMIT, GET WITH THE TIMES FERENGINAR) the Ferengi officer kidnaps Roxanna, Deanna, and Riker. JUST FYI, if I ever get kidnapped by someone who wants to wine me, dine me, sex me, and marry me, the last person I want to be kidnapped with is my mother and any one of my ex-boyfriends (hopefully this will never come up).

Upside, Riker looks really sexy in a blue shirt he felt was appropriate for his and Deanna’s “just-friends” pic-nic-date. Seriously, I recognize this relationship is actually probably pretty true of modern day ones—repetitively flirting with your ex who you also happen to work with—, but does it have to be played by such… insufferable characters?

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Also there’s a subplot with Wesley who is about to go away to Starfleet Academy. But then he discovers where the kidnapped party is. Hurray, Wesley. Even when you’re almost gone, you’re still saving the fucking day. 

Upside? Jean-Luc Picard starts quoting Shakespeare lines in an attempt to convince the Ferengi that he is in love with Roxanna Troi. It’s a reminder of Patrick Stewarts actual future: big plays on Broadway. Also, one of those rare times Jean-Luc Picard seems to be having a ridiculous amount of fun.

Sisko’s Theatrical Gasp
requested by boldlygifing

Solok: You are attempting to manufacture a triumph where none exists.
Kasidy: I’d say he succeeded.
Bashir: To manufactured triumph.
Sisko: Manufactured trumph, here, here!
Niners: Here, here!
Solok: This is a typical human reaction, based on emotionalism and illogic.
Sisko: Do I hear irritation in that voice?
Solok: Certainly not.
Bashir: That sounded positively defensive to me.
O’Brien: With a hint of anger.
Quark: And just a touch of jealousy.
Kasidy: And a lot of bitterness.
Ezri: Are you always this emotional?

(via startrekgifs)

Source: startrekds9

this is going to be me next year when I start entering hospitals…

(via brionyjae)

Source: callmebiless

"Sarek" Ep. 23 Season 3 TNG

Sarek (Spock’s Father) arrives on board the Enterprise for ambassador purposes. Unfortunately, he’s suffering from Vulcan Dementia and his emotions are OUT OF CONTROL. So he transfers them to Jean-Luc. If you want to see Captain Picard cry, this is your episode.

"Sarek" Ep. 23 Season 3 TNG

Sarek (Spock’s Father) arrives on board the Enterprise for ambassador purposes. Unfortunately, he’s suffering from Vulcan Dementia and his emotions are OUT OF CONTROL. So he transfers them to Jean-Luc. If you want to see Captain Picard cry, this is your episode.