“Captain’s Holiday” Ep. 19 Season 3 TNG

Picard enjoys a book (nerd) while on the planet Risa—a hedonistic society with an economy built entirely on tourism.

Picard goes on vacation to Risa, which I have to believe is kind of like the Las Vegas/Palm Springs of the galaxy. He runs into an archaeologist—a sexy archaeologist—who has stolen an artifact which is wanted by Vorgons from the FUTURE. (Vorgons sound a lot like Blorgons, the Tardises from Inspector Space Time (a Community creation)). Anyway, long story short, Picard kind of falls in love with a woman and the universe isn’t destroyed.

Also, if you imagine you’d like to see a shirtless Picard, this is the episode for you!

OBSERVATIONS

VORGONS! they sound so dangerous!

They’re not on the holodeck… SO WHO THE HELL IS THAT NAKED WOMAN?

LWAXANA TROI IS BACK FUCK YEAH. 

DEANNA: Mother you talk of them like they’re a commodity.
LWAXANA: That’s exactly what men are. Especially human men.

And she wants to seduce everyone on the Enterprise, especially Captain Picard. So if you wanted to see Captain Picard awkwardly mumble through sentences, THIS IS THE EPISODE FOR YOU. He manages to de-sensualize an accidental one-on-one dinner with Lwaxana Troi by inviting Data. Data! The best cockblock ever made. He’s like a C-3PO, except he manages to be EVEN MORE ANNOYING. 

RIKER: A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase quadruples her sex drive.
DEANNA: Or more.
RIKER: You never told me that.
DEANNA: I didn’t want to frighten you. 

Also, Lwaxana keeps calling Deanna “Little One,” which is probably the only cute thing about Deanna. 

“Time Squared” Ep. 13 Season 2 TNG

This episode is REALLY creepy in that there is a mute, almost non-functioning duplicate of Picard. It is very, incredibly disturbing. 

At one point in his life, Picard was going to marry a girl. But he, like so many one-day-captains before him, chose to pursue a life in space over a life with the love of his life.

So anyway, she shows up again and her husband’s been playing around with space and time… the 4th dimension. 

Data eventually solves the problem, and the “time skips*” stop occurring.

*FUTURAMA

OBSERVATIONS
In simulations, Picard’s ex-lover used to have a French accent. Yet when we’re introduced to her in the present, she has NO FRENCH ACCENT. Which brings up a good point: Why does Picard have a British accent? And then it occurs to me… Universal Translator? Holy FUCKING hell… Is Picard speaking in French this entire time?! OH GOD. IT’S SICKENING.

“11001001” Ep. 15 Season 1 TNG

Letting a French person captain a Galaxy-class exploration vessel? How absurd. 

QUOTE
KASINSKI: “Do you realize how many great advancements of humankind have been tied to speed?” you mean meth? I’m guessing not a lot. 

the TRAVELLER: “Thought is the basis of all reality….. Ah yes this could seem like magic to you.”

PLOT
Some Starfleet Yahoo (named Kasinski) wants to test out his advancements in warp speed on the Enterprise. Bad idea. They end up two galaxies away from ours. Turns out the “scientist” was actually making shiz up. His “assistant” is actually a being (who calls himself a traveller) from another galaxy who possesses the knowledge and ability to do some crazy physics stuff. 

Anyway, the Enterprise ends up in a weird galaxy where thoughts can be turned into intermittent matter. Oh yea, and then Picard yells at everyone including an ensign who’s daydreaming she’s dancing in a ballet, and then at Riker, for interrupting his daydreamt conversation with his dead mother. What a hypocritical french jerk.  

OBSERVATIONS yo star trek I love it when you attach horns on an earth animal and suddenly it’s a targ. that is mad fresh.