1) A cloud is consuming planets.

2) The cloud threatens to destroy a planet called “Mantilles.”

Wedge? Wedge Mantilles? It strikes me as a RIDICULOUS name.

3) I believe Captain Kirk only invokes the prime directive when it serves his own, selfish purposes.

4) While Captain Kirk is talking to a planet’s governor, he tells the governor that Katie will be alright. When McCoy asks “Who’s Katie?” Kirk says: “He’s daughter. She’s eleven.” WTF? How do you KNOW that? I barely even remember my middle name. And yet Kirk is just galavanting around with all the knowledge of his acquaintances’ children floating around in his head. WTF?

5) This episode is actually a fascinating examination of what people think antimatter is. And, two quick questions:

first, does antimatter explode if it touches ANY form of matter?

second, if that’s the case, air is matter, so wouldn’t antimatter explode if it was in something other then a vacuum? 

6)  At the end of the episode the Enterprise has to remove itself from an energy being which is pretty much organized like the human body. Spock informs the Captain that they can exit from a grit (?) at the top of the brain, saying that this is a place where sensory information is received. He must be talking about the cribiform plate! Thru which olfactory nerves pass. MEDICAL ANATOMY FTW.

PLOT
Rigelian fever has broken out on the Enterprise. They find a planet with the only known cure for Rigelian fever: ryetalyn. But there are living things on the planet, because McCoy, Spock, and Kirk are approached by a living human man who instantly dislikes them…. but he takes them to his giant castle anyway:

The man, whose name is Flynt, sends his drone, M3, to start mining the mineral ryetalyn, and Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are free to make themselves comfortable in a giant foyer filled with works of art. Once M3 has mined and provided ryetalyn to the landing party, Flynt shows up again, saying that M3 can also synthesize the drug needed from the mineral. He also, as a way of apologizing for seeming so inhospitable at first, introduces them to his “daughter.” She’s like a home-schooled person because she’s never met another person EVER in her entire life. She’s also really sexy (apparently… on the Star Trek scale, she’s like a 6). 

Even though she’s really smart she still decides she’s attracted to Captain Kirk. GAWWWW. But then, while they’re necking M3 shows up again and tries to kill Kirk. And the suspicion builds. 

Turns out that the girl, Reina, is an automaton! No wonder she’s so smart. He’s also been living for thousands of years. Turns out that’s why he needed to create an automaton. And I guess he wanted her to feel capable of love, so he made Kirk, McCoy, and Spock stay longer so that she’d fall in love with one of them, so that when they left, she’d be capable of love.

But discovering that she’s capable of love, she dies. Because fuck it, love sucks. Also, it would be really fucking annoying to have a father figure 1) tell you that he’s in love with you and 2) tell you you’re not human. And for chrissakes, in the same day? That’s gotta be a whole new level of stressful.

Kirk takes her death surprisingly hard. Back in Kirk’s room, they watch him fall asleep on his desk, which I can only assume was brought about by extreme depression. And then McCoy has a great monologue about how he pities Spock, because he isn’t capable of love and all the many horrible and wonderful things love does to you in life. But! McCoy does say he really wishes Kirk could forget Reina as he leaves the captain’s quarters. Spock then walks slowly over to captain Kirk, who has fallen asleep on his desk, from presumed severe depression, and mind-melds with him, saying the word: “Forget.” It’s actually incredibly touching.

QUOTES
“I can’t love her. But I do love her. And she loves me.” - Kirk, professing “love” for Reina, which is absurd. I thought I fell in love too often and too easily. Kirk, if anything, makes me feel emotionally normal. 

KIRK: “Stay out of this. We’re fighting over a woman.”
SPOCK: “No you’re not, because she’s not.”

OBSERVATIONS
So Spock often says there’s no life forms on a planet, but then there’s almost always plants. Plants are alive. Do you know how hurtful that is? To imply that plants do not exist? I never expected kindness from a Vulcan; but I expected tolerance, and I guess I was wrong.

I think this might have been one of the first episodes I saw willingly. I have memories of watching this in my basement, and I haven’t watched television down there in years. 

Essentially, the Enterprise crosses into forbidden territory. When Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and Chekov beam down to a new planet they’re investigating, they get locked into a world that mimics exactly those of 19th century Earth… it’s the O.K. Corral and in like, 5 hours, there’s going to be a shoot out. And they are going to die.

Also some hot babe keeps making out with Chekov, which is hilarious because 1) I don’t find Chekov attractive and 2) he has a ridiculous accent! Regardless, Chekov get’s shot and dies! Or does he?

The rest of the gang tries to divise a way to not fight the battle, but they can’t. They literally can’t. Spock theorizes that the world they’re in is simulated, and they can only die if they think they’ve been killed. So Spock mind melds with EVERYONE (slut) and nobody thinks that they’ve been killed and stay alive. It turns to hand to hand combat, and Kirk has an opportunity to kill someone, but he chooses not to.

The aliens beam everyone back aboard the Enterprise (Chekov never died!) and they express an interest in getting to know the Federation better since the Federation is composed of people who aren’t killers. Yay!

This episode is ridiculous…. lemme tell you why:

1. A woman scientist (giggle), whose name is Dr. Jones (giggle x2), beams aboard the Enterprise… you know what that means! Everyone’s going to hit on her because she’s attractive. She’s also a telepath! And with her is this sentient creature that…

2. Is called a Medusan. It’s so displeasing that when people see it, they go INSANE. But because they are sentient, of course we want to open up diplomatic relations with them! So here is the Medusan ambassador Kollos! (He’s kept in a box.)

3. Spock helps Dr. Miranda Jones carry the Medusan because he’s half Vulcan and apparently, half Vulcans aren’t susceptible to going as mad as easily… although he still has to wear an eye guard…

4. At dinner time, literally EVERYONE hits on her. And then Dr. Jones says, “There’s somebody nearby who’s thinking of murder.” I LOVE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS. Someone in this room is going to kill someone onboard.

Also Scotty is wearing a Kilt which makes me happy. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, someone in this picture is going to try and kill someone! But because we know everyone except for that one dude, it’s probably going to be that one dude.

5. And I’m right! It’s that one dude who beamed aboard with Dr. Jones. He’s in love with her, but because she wants to spend her entire life with the Medusan ambassador, he wants to kill the Medusan ambassador.

6. He tries, but goes INSANE and runs to the engineering room where he directs the Enterprise to go into a time-space distortion. THANKS CRAZY GUY. He finally yells “Don’t love her! Don’t love her! She’ll kill you if you love her! I love you, Miranda.” And then dies. Thanks.

7. But do you know what Medusan’s are really good at? Cartography and navigation! So Spock has to mind meld with Kollos in order to get them out of “not their galaxy”. But Dr. Jones is jealous and angry and doesn’t want to allow it. She wants to be the only person who has direct contact with Kollos. She offers to pilot the Enterprise out of not space….

8. Which is when Dr. McCoy says: “I realize that you can do almost anything a sighted person can do, but you can’t pilot a starship.” HOLY HELL! McCoy for the win! Dr. Jones is wearing a sensory net made to look like a dress, but really it helps her determine what she’s looking at. Hell, she knows what she’s looking at even better than a normal person (Geordi?!) SURPRISE!

9. So Spock mind melds with Kollos. As soon as he mind melds not only does he smile, he LAUGHS! Apparently Kollos is so excited by being in a human body he begins to act out Spock’s inner reactions. He references his bromance with Kirk, he acknowledges that McCoy is his friend (ah!), and he literally cites Byron (romantic poetry) to Uhura (SUCK IT NURSE CHAPEL). 

10. Anyway, back to business: Spock/Kollos pilot the Enterprise back into their galaxy. Hurray! But Spock accidentally looks at Kollos without protecting his eyes, and immediately goes crazy. You get to see him attacking the onslaught of Enterprise crewmen through his own eyes ***** I suggest watching this if only to see McCoy throw himself into Spock (good fighting strategy, loser). 

11. Dr. Jones is the only person who can save Spock! But she’s not DOING ANYTHING because she’s still jealous. So Kirk goes in and pretty much says, “You’ve got to save him! I love him!” And she’s all like, “Whatever” but she really does start a mind meld with Spock which is really trippy. This is a good episode for doing drugs at. ANYWAY…

12. Spock returns to normalcy. Dr. Jones and Kollos get to spend the rest of their lives together. 

RANDOM STUFFS:

Hey! They’re recycling characters again!

Dr. Mulhalla is now………………………… Dr. Jones!

and now! Nazi Spock Mind Melding with some poor bastard.

“The Changeling” Ep. 3 Season 2 TOS

and now, for no reason whatsoever, spock… mind melding with the NOMAD probe.

SUBTITLE
Silicon Based Life Forms!

QUOTES
“To kill it would be a crime against science.” - Spock to Kirk

KIRK: “Please stay out of trouble Mr. Spock.”
SPOCK: “That is always my intention, Captain.”

McCOY: “You can’t be serious. The thing is virtually made out of stone.”
KIRK: “Help it. Treat it.”
McCOY: I’m a doctor not a bricklayer.
KIRK: You’re a healer. There’s a patient. And that’s an order.”

“Sadness, sadness for the end of things.” - Horta via Spock

“That’s right Lieutenant. Just beam it down to me immediately and never mind what I need it for. I just need it. Now move!” - McCoy asking for rubber cement

“Failure. The murders have won. Death is welcome. Let it end here.” - Horta via Spock

OUTRAGED MINER #2: “That thing’s killed 50 of my men!”
KIRK: “And you’ve killed thousands of her children.”
OUTRAGED MINER #2: “What?!” 

McCOY: “It won’t die! By golly Jim, I’m beginning to think I can cure a rainy day.”
KIRK: “Can you help it?”
McCOY: “Help it? I cured it.”
KIRK: “How?”
McCOY: “Well I had the ship beam down 100 pounds of thermal concrete… mostly silicone. So I just trawled it into the wound and it’ll act like a bandage til it heals. Take a look. Good as new.”

“The Horta has a very logical mind. And after close association with humans, I find that very refreshing.” - Spock to Kirk

KIRK: “I suspect you’re becoming more and more human all the time.”
SPOCK: “Captain I see no reason to stand here and be insulted.”
*favorite Kirk-Spock banter of all time. 

PLOT
People are disappearing from the mining caves on Janus VI. Kirk and Spock, and a fleet of red shirts, go down to investigate. It’s a monster! Burrowing through the walls of the mines and attacking people. The monster is also a silicon based life form. ALSO! The monster looks like a few weeks old lasagna. Eventually Kirk and Spock find themselves in the same room as the monster, and Spock decides to mind meld with it, because there’s nothing he won’t mind meld with. The creature is a Horta, and it’s in excruciating pain. It is wounded badly. It also scratches into the rock: “No Kill I” which makes me wonder how crappy Spock’s grammar must be. Kirk sends for Dr. McCoy to come down to treat the Horta. Spock mind melds again with the Horta, and he starts screaming things like “Murderers!” and “Kill!” It is discovered that the miners have been unknowingly killing all of the Horta’s children, which is kind of crappy. Meanwhile, all the miners are growing restless at how little monster killing they’re doing, and so they break past the red shirts instructed by Captain Kirk to hold them back. It’s a confrontation! Kirk and Spock vs. outraged miners. Eventually they get to an agreement: Leave the Horta alone and let her and her children begin to tunnel holes through the rock. Then the miners can get at more deposits of minerals, and get rich! Perfect solution! End episode.

OBSERVATION
The Horta literally killed 50 men. And yet, they don’t really care that they’re no working with it. I expected at least one of the miners to try and kill it with a phaser. But they all seemed really docile. 

Also, the Horta, as expressed by Mr. Spock, seemed horrifically melodramatic. It was ridiculous. This mind meld is probably the most ridiculous one ever, although I’ll wait until I see them all to make that decision or not. 

SUBTITLE
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind… IN SPACE!

QUOTES
NOEL: “Dr. Helen Noel, Captain. We’ve met…Don’t you remember. The Science Lab Christmas party.”
KIRK: “Yes I remember.”
NOEL: “You dropped in…”
KIRK: “Yes, yes I remember.” 

“You will forget all you have heard. To remember any portion of it, any word of it, will cause you pain, terrible pain, growing more terrible as you fight to remember.” - Tantalus Penile Colony Employee talking to Tantalus Prisoner in the Neural Neutralizer Room

“You must open my mind. Let me warn you and explain to you.” - Mad Van Gelder to Spock 

KIRK: “What did you think of the prisoners you saw here today.”
NOEL: “I thought they were happy, well adjusted.”
KIRK: “But a bit blank.” 

“Can you imagine the mind, emptied by that thing, without even a tormentor for company?” - KIRK

PLOT
The Enterprise is at Tantalus V, a planet home to a famous penile colony. A prisoner escapes the planet in a box of cargo beamed up to the Enterprise. The prisoner turns out to be the Dr. Van Gelder, who was actually employed at the penile colony before going mad himself sometime in the last year. Once subdued and brought to sick bay, Dr. McCoy is suspicious of Van Gelder, who seems unable to tell the truth due to the severe presentation of pain. Kirk, and a female Psychiatrist (whom he’s “met” before), go down to investigate the planet of Tantalus V. All the prisoner’s there seem happy, but “a bit blank.” They are shown around by Dr. Adams, the man who runs the facility, and given a tour of the ominous Neural Neutralizer room, where patients/prisoners sit in a chair and are put into some sort of trance by a light shined in their face (it’s a lot like the way the gelflings were hypnotized in Dark Crystal). Eventually it’s discovered (by Spock mind-melding with Dr. Van Gelder aboard the Enterprise) that Dr. Adams has been erasing people’s memories of the horrible things that happen on Tantalus V. Eventually Dr. Adams is killed when he’s left alone with the Neural Neutralizer turned on. Van Gelder is rehabilitated and given command of the Tantalus V colony.

OBSERVATIONS
Phrenology experience? When Dr. McCoy begs Captain Kirk to investigate the penile colony, because something isn’t right with the prisoner aboard the Enterprise, Kirk requests McCoy to find someone onboard the ship who is either an expert psychiatrist or expert phrenologist. BUT NOBODY BELIEVES IN PHRENOLOGY ANYMORE! WTF? And who puts a penile colony on a planet named Tantalus?! Do you intentionally try to make prisoners as symbolically unhappy as possible?
This episode also has the best murder by a female Starfleet officer yet (I know it’s only episode 10, but still). She feigns unconsciousness, so when her attacker gets closer to her, she can surprise kick him in the gut, sending him backwards into an electric fence. There are a lot of shocks, and then he dies. Hilarious, right?